Nothing but Trouble Page 2

  “No, Bob...”

  “Robert,” he growled. “And do you really want to go with me to Hawaii with only one white coat between us, or are you just teasing old Mr. Foureyes here?”

  Another uh oh. Linda handed a piece of chocolate to Perihelion without looking. She didn’t dare look away from Robert who was slowly, but steadily approaching, looking rather dangerous in a thrilling sort of way. This was not supposed to happen. He was supposed to continue to sulk and brood and roll his eyes at her outrageous flirting.

  “Because if you are, I warn you, sooner or later I will call your bluff.”

  Each sentence had brought him one step closer and the water she had thrown over him was plastering his white T-shirt to his torso. The discarded lab coat no longer hid the fact that the T-shirt was tucked into some very tight fitting blue jeans. And his hair, usually neatly combed, was a rumpled mess.

  All in all, discounting the fact that he was surrounded by microscopes, test tubes and all sorts of strange nerdish things, he didn’t look like that nerd anymore. She wasn’t sure if that was a good or a bad sign. All she knew was that he was wreaking havoc on her insides.

  “Actually, I think I will make it sooner, if you don’t mind.”

  The bars on the chimp cage were pressing at her shoulders. She couldn’t back away and he was so close she could feel the warmth of his body and smell his subtle cologne, interlaced with the foreign smell of some kind of chemical. The chemical she could have expected, the cologne she had not, and somehow the combination was too much for her system. He knees were turning to jelly and he wasn’t even touching her.

  The hunter had become the hunted.

  Behind her, four leathery hands grabbed at the candy wrappers in her suddenly lifeless hands.

  Robert removed his glasses and carelessly tossed them on the counter, then wrapped his fingers around the bars on each side of her face. He was just inches away, his eyes probing deep into hers. “Okay. No glasses, no lab coat, just you and me. What will it be, Miss Stevens? Kiss or run?”

  Linda looked up into his eyes, for the first time seeing them without the distortion of his glasses. They were a curious color that seemed to shift between bluish green and greenish blue. They also held a peculiar combination of irritation, amusement and challenge, along with something she couldn’t categorize as anything but potential lust.

  She swallowed. Robert was definitely more than she had bargained for. He wasn’t a cute nerd; he was turning out to be one hell of a male specimen, complete with macho arrogance when pushed. And boy, had she pushed, she admitted to herself. She’d done nothing but push, poke and prod him ever since the first time they had met.

  And now he was three inches away and offering a kiss that, based on the sizzle crackling between them right now, would singe her eyebrows, curl her toes and give the chimps some very interesting lessons about human peculiarities.

  Under the circumstances, there was only one logical course of action for a normal red-blooded woman with seduction on her mind.

  She ducked under his arm and ran.

  Chapter 2

  “What? You want the monkeys to be best man and maid of honor?”

  “They’re not monkeys, they’re apes,” Ellen corrected patiently, tapping her pen against one of the many wedding preparations lists that littered the kitchen table. It would be a small wedding, but judging by the amount of paperwork that Ellen inflicted upon herself, it would be the best organized one in recent history, at least outside royal circles. “And no, of course not. We already talked about that: we want Robert to be the best man, and you to be the maid of honor.”

  Linda sighed in relief and relaxed. She must have heard wrong. Thank goodness. To be honest, her mind had wandered a bit while Ellen had gone on about the wedding details. She would be renting Chris’s house for a while, and had been busy deciding what color to paint the kitchen while Ellen talked about wedding cakes and flowers.

  She could have sworn she heard something about the chimps serving these functions at the wedding that would take place two weeks from now in the garden outside the local church. What a ridiculous thing to mishear, even from Ellen.

  “And we want Perihelion to be best chimp and Aphelion to be the chimp of honor.”

  Linda closed her eyes, whimpered, and in weary resignation tensed her muscles again. She hadn’t heard wrong. She was going to need those muscles. One did not get through a chimp-enhanced wedding without a stress headache, some additional gray hairs and possibly an ulcer or two, and if she actually had to hold hands with a monkey, she damn well deserved something to show for it.

  “I’m afraid to ask, but do I actually have to have something to do with the monkeys?”

  “Apes. Well, yes. I was thinking you and Aphelion would be together, and Robert would handle Perihelion. There’s nothing to it,” she hastened to reassure Linda who could feel a rictus of horror stretch her face. “They’re very well trained. Plus, Robert’s an expert at handling them and he’ll be with you at all times.” Ellen’s gray eyes, filled with newfound happiness and confidence, stared at Linda with a hopeful glow.

  “Would you do it? I know it will be some work for you. You’ll probably have to visit them a few times first, get them used to you and get to know them. They’re very friendly. Robert will help.”

  Robert. Linda squirmed in her seat and looked out the window to hide what felt suspiciously like a blush creeping up on her. Suddenly she had wedding jitters, and she wasn’t even the bride. No, she was the hapless maid of honor, and she was the one who’d have to deal with three ill-tempered primates, all who made her a bundle of nerves when out of their cages - or in one case, out of his lab coat.

  The bride had it easy. All she had to do was look happy and say ‘I do.’

  “Two monkeys, one Bob and a wedding,” Linda muttered, and made a mental note to buy a case or two of Snickers. It wasn’t that she minded the chimps. In fact she kind of liked them, especially since they shared her obsessive love for chocolate.

  She also happened to like the steel bars that separated her from them.

  And of course, she had a very unnerving kind of liking for their trainer. She wasn’t sure which she was less inclined to hold hands with at Ellen’s wedding, Robert or Aphelion. Since their last encounter she had been trying not to imagine Robert’s interpretation of her sudden transformation from a flirt on the prowl to a rabbit on the run.

  She’d run out of there barefoot, for goodness sake, having kicked off her sandals for comfort while inside with the mice. Driving home had been rather uncomfortable, but not as painful as going back for her sandals would have been. For a while she’d half expected Robert to return them, either in person or through Ellen, but he hadn’t. Perhaps they’d been eaten, either by mice or monkeys.

  And, damnit, she hadn’t been able to stop imagining what that kiss would’ve been like. She should have stuck around. If only to confirm that his kisses couldn’t possibly be as hot as she was imagining them. Reality never beat fantasy. It must be some as yet undiscovered law of physics.

  “You’re sure you’ll manage?”

  Ellen was frowning in worry, and Linda pasted on a smile as soon as she had figured out they were still talking about the chimps and not Bob’s kisses. Aphelion and Perihelion had played their role in getting Chris and Ellen together. If Ellen really wanted them at her wedding, Linda wouldn’t stand in her way.

  “Sure. As long as I don’t have to change their diapers or kill their fleas or something like that.”

  “If that’s necessary, Robert will handle it,” Ellen said absently, and Linda groaned at the mental picture.

  “I was joking. Aren’t these beasts toilet trained? Poor Bob.”

  Ellen was looking at her curiously, tilting her head. “I thought you were interested in Robert. You haven’t talked about him for a while. Did something happen?”

  Busted. “Nope. Nothing happened. I just changed my mind. He’s not for me. We’re too different.” Wh
en in doubt, deny, deny, deny.

  Ellen nodded and turned back to her list, accepting her explanation and Linda cursed under her breath, thinking back on green-blue eyes and a body radiating electric warmth.

  She wasn’t quite sure why she had run away, anyway. She just hadn’t been prepared for the tables being turned on her, for Robert to approach her like that.

  She hadn’t been prepared for anything at all, she confessed to herself. She had been playing with Robert, feeling safe because he was so distant and unapproachable, so obviously not interested in her. The attraction she felt towards him had been undeniable and flirting with him, pretending to herself she was pursuing him, had been irresistible, fun, and above all safe.

  Or so she had thought.

  Linda had done a bit of soul-searching in the past few weeks and she wasn’t sure she liked what she’d dug up. When she’d forced herself to take an honest look at herself, she’d found a woman who was terrified of any prospect of a new relationship. Since her test episode in the wife and mother role, she’d dated frequently, fun, light-hearted dates with attractive and interesting men, but she’d never wanted the risk of going beyond just a couple of dates. Of course, she hadn’t thought about it like that, but instead always found fault with the poor men, some imagined faults or shortcomings, something she couldn’t possibly live with, even if just for a third date.

  Robert had been a distraction, a prey she could tell herself she was stalking, giving herself an excuse not to look around for someone else.

  She cursed once more, and concentrated on sulking, rather than think about that dreadful attraction she was feeling towards the “distraction”.

  Why did she even feel she had to be looking for a man?

  Well, she did have the answer to that one. Mom. Her mother’s voice seemed to echo in her head, with all the clichés and phrases mothers loved and daughters hated enough to pass on to their own daughters when the time was ripe. She was hearing everything from “You’re not getting any younger” to “I’d like to see some grandchildren before I’m too old to enjoy them,” and that was telepathically over half a continent.

  It wasn’t as if she hadn’t tried. She’d even tried to provide her mother with a ready-made step-grandchild, but the whole thing had been a disaster. And after that disaster she’d decided once and for all that children were not for her. Some women were just not cut out to be mothers.

  With determination she forced her thoughts out of that rut. History. Over and done with. Time to move on.

  Or, alternatively, a sarcastic voice pointed out, keep running into that safe, dark rabbit hole to watch the world go by.

  Ugh. Mentally, Linda clamped her hands over those obnoxious inner ears. She had to think about getting at least one inner voice that was actually on her side. She was an independent woman with a full and interesting life. There was nothing wrong with being single. And, as she had found out first-hand, it was hell of a lot better than being with the wrong man.

  She shifted in her chair and tried to force her thoughts into the real world again.

  “Looking forward to your honeymoon?” she asked.

  Ellen glowed. “Very much. I can hardly wait.”

  “It’s not as though you haven’t already taken a preview of the fun part of the honeymoon.” Linda winked at Ellen, who promptly blushed, as she’d known she would.

  “Have you decided yet when you’re moving in?” Ellen asked. “We should have emptied out most of our stuff before we leave on the honeymoon, so if you can handle a few remaining boxes stacked up somewhere, you don’t have to wait until we’re back.”

  “Thanks. I’d like to move as soon as possible. My landlord has been unusually polite lately.” Linda groaned. “I’ve learned from experience that smiles and ‘good morning’ instead of a grunt usually means he’s about to raise the rent.”

  Chris sauntered into the room, and hugged his bride-to-be from behind. “Hi Linda,” he said with a smile, when he finally noticed her presence. “Did you hear about our monkey business?”

  “I did,” she said levelly. “Obviously, Chris, love rots your brain. You’re not the man I was once dying to kiss.”

  Chris laughed and took the seat between them. He grabbed the back of Linda's head and gave her a quick and loud smooch on the mouth. “There. You got your kiss. Now quit whining.”

  Linda grinned at Ellen, who was looking at her fiancé with a very possessive expression. That would probably be the one and only kiss any other woman would get from Chris.

  She would miss those two, she thought wistfully. They were all but packed up. After the honeymoon they’d only be back for a couple of weeks before moving half a continent away. She wouldn’t be seeing a lot of them from then on.

  Ellen tore her gaze away from Chris. “Robert already said he’d do it, so if you’re game it’s settled then.”

  “Did he... Did you ask him to teach me to handle the chimps?”

  “Yes. He said no problem.”

  No problem? No problem? Linda stifled a groan. It wouldn’t do to let on to the happy couple that she was more nervous around Robert than she was around the chimpanzees.

  Ellen ripped a page out of her notepad and jotted something down. “Here’s his number. You can just call him when you have the time and arrange to meet them.”

  Warily Linda took the piece of paper with a number written on it in Ellen’s scrawl.

  She was going to have to call him.

  She was actually going to have to pick up the phone, call him and ask for a date with his chimpanzees.

  Life just wasn’t fair.

  Linda couldn’t believe she had actually changed clothes four times in preparation for a date with two monkeys. But she had. And she still wasn’t any happier with her appearance than she had been an hour ago.

  Things had gone downhill every time she’d changed and she’d ended up ultra-casual. Actually ultra casual was an understatement. At the back of the closet she’d found ancient gray sweats she could have sworn she’d thrown out three years ago. All she needed was a headband to complete the look of an obsessive jogger with a terminal case of fashion-impairment.

  Well. He had said to wear something casual, easily washable and not too delicate. She had tried not to think too much about why her outfit would need precisely these qualities.

  Before she could change her mind again, she made a face at the mirror image and shot out the door.

  Once at the university, after she’d worked up the courage to knock on his office door, Robert looked at her as if not quite recognizing her again. Which was understandable, she admitted. He’d seen her relatively dressed up, or in uniform. Not looking like a train wreck out for a run. She stood up straighter. She could at least be a train wreck with good posture.

  “Hi, Bob,” she chirped with a smile and forced herself to meet his eyes with the same cheerful expression as she always wore. She was nervous. Why was she nervous? She shouldn’t be nervous. It wasn’t like her to be nervous.

  And nope, she hadn’t been wrong about those eyes. They were incredible. If they didn’t change color every few seconds she would have sworn he was wearing contacts under the glasses.

  “Robert, please. Good morning.”

  Linda felt slightly guilty for refusing to use his name, but heck, he deserved it. Besides, his look of barely tolerated irritation was an irresistible combination of cute and dangerous. She’d never been able to resist anything that gave her such thrilling goose bumps.

  She plowed through her hair with her hand, then reached up with both hands to adjust the ponytail. The chimps. She was here about the chimps. She needed to keep her mind on the chimps.

  Her gaze did however, drop below waist level as she followed Robert out of his office and down several narrow and confusing hallways towards the laboratory. For once he was not wearing a lab coat, and she had to acknowledge that intriguing as those things were, they hid a most delectable jean-clad butt.

  The chimpanzees, with le
ss delectable butts, were already out of their cage. One was sitting demurely at a desk, playing with Robert’s pens and pencils, while the other immediately wrapped long hairy arms around his legs and stared at Linda with an expression of utter distrust.

  “Hey, why are you glaring at me like that? I’m the Snickers-lady, remember? The one who gives you those blissful sugar-rushes?” She shook her head. “How quickly they forget.”

  Robert picked up the one at his feet, whose hands went directly to his hair, combing through it with the enthusiasm of a hyperactive hairdresser. “Okay. You’ve met these guys before. This is Aphelion, the female.” He pointed at the one on desk-duty. “And that’s the male, Perihelion. Can you tell them apart?”

  “Sure...” Linda said, although she was never quite certain which was which. “Perihelion is bigger and a bit darker. Isn’t he?”

  Robert nodded. “Right. Here, take her.”

  Linda took a step back. He was holding out a huge hairy monkey, expecting her to take it into her arms. “Take her? How?” she squeaked. What was she supposed to do? Grab it by the fur?

  Robert grinned, a grin that smacked altogether too much of superior satisfaction and Linda straightened her back, absolutely determined to be cuddling a chimp in just a few seconds.

  Possibly a few minutes if she could get away with it. She was a great believer in the power of procrastination.

  “Just hold out your hands as if you were taking a child.”

  Linda considered telling him she didn’t really have that much positive experience with children either, but bit her tongue and held out her arms. “Hi, Aphelion,” she cooed. “Wanna come to Aunt Linda?”

  She almost missed the way Robert rolled his eyes, because the heavy weight of warm chimp was suddenly in her arms, and two hairy arms wound around her neck. Large brown eyes stared into hers, and then the animal bared its fangs at her.

  Linda yelped, a quite pathetic sound even to her own ears, and took a step back, a futile effort since the threat in question was quite determinedly clinging to her neck. The sudden appearance of Williams’s hand on Aphelion’s shoulder was very welcome.