Nothing but Trouble Page 5

  “But Copernicus—“

  “Copernicus will be fine. Cats are pretty independent creatures, you know. He’ll have me to play with instead. It’s only for two weeks.” She changed the subject to a more vital matter than Copernicus’s separation anxiety. “Ellen, why didn’t you tell me Robert had kids?”

  Ellen looked at her, frowning in confusion. “What? He doesn’t have any kids.”

  Linda bit her lip and cursed. “Damnit. No kids? Not even one?”

  “What do you mean, not even one?”

  Linda groaned. “He told me he had four. Two boys and two girls. Quadruplets.”

  Ellen actually giggled. Linda growled, feeling stupid. Ellen was supposed to be the gullible one, not she. She felt like stomping her foot in frustration. “He even showed me a picture of them!”

  “His brother has quadruplets. Completely natural ones too, quite amazing. I think they’re about eighteen months old now. Why would he tell you they were his?”

  Good question. Linda groaned again and rested her head in her hands. She had been incredibly naïve to actually believe him. Was that some weird way of letting her down easy after she told him about her baby-phobia? An original brush-off?

  Hmm. Not likely. Robert wasn’t stupid. He knew she’d find out soon enough that he was lying. He knew she’d mention his fictional quadruplets to Ellen who would know there was not one child, let alone four. And it would have been easy enough for him to say that he wouldn’t consider getting involved with someone who didn’t want children. That was why she’d brought the subject up, damnit, to get that fact out in the open before it could hurt anyone.

  She turned her head, scanning for him and finally located him in the far corner of the room. She narrowed her eyes and glared at him, and it was quite a glare, for he turned around and sent her the most devilish smile.

  Devilish.

  Aha. That was the key. This was all part of the game.

  “Is Robert giving you trouble?” Chris asked. “Want me to punch him out for you?”

  “Chris!” Ellen slapped his chest. “He’s your best man, for heaven’s sake. Be nice.”

  “He’s not... giving me trouble,” Linda said, still thinking. “Or if he is, I’m quite capable of returning the favor. With interest.” Something strange was going on here. Her mood lightened. She couldn’t quite figure out yet what sort of a game he was playing, but so far, those had been essence of their relationship.

  Well. She had nothing against games. They were fun, if played with the right person and he had proven a worthy opponent. This could get interesting.

  She smiled. Dinner on Monday, huh? A group of six? Food fights and all? She’d definitely be there.

  It was time to pay Bob and his invisible kindergarten a little surprise visit.

  Chapter 4

  By the time Linda reached the front door of Robert’s apartment building Monday evening, it was almost dusk. She glanced up at the darkness above as she dragged her shopping bags from the car. The evening sky didn’t seem to be aware of the fact that there were still supposed to be several weeks left of summer.

  She hurried into the lobby and searched for his name on long list of tenants.

  Floor thirteen?

  She shrugged and pushed the button.

  “Yes?” His voice was tinny and impatient on the intercom. Gee, perhaps she had interrupted him from shoveling dinner into four small mouths? She snorted, then remembered she needed him to let her inside before she could bust him.

  “Hi, Bob! It’s Linda!”

  “Linda?”

  “Yep.” She waited a few seconds, grinning in anticipation of the upcoming confrontation. “You invited me, remember? To meet your children?”

  A low groan echoed through the speaker. Linda felt like cackling. “Well, are you going to let me in?”

  A muffled curse told her just how welcome she was. Linda grinned as she glanced at the clock. She was right on schedule, two minutes past eight. He’d probably try to convince her the children were asleep. He wouldn’t get away with that. She’d insist upon seeing the little darlings, all tucked up nice and cozy with their teddy bears. After all, she was bringing them a ton of toys. The least he could do was to show her their angelic little sleeping faces.

  And then, when he finally admitted he was lying about the children, she would grab him by the front of his shirt and, inch by inch, pull him close and kiss him senseless.

  Then, oh yes... she closed her eyes in delirious anticipation of what would come next. After that kiss, she would pull away, her hands lingering on his chest, smile sweetly at him--and walk out the door, leaving him wondering what he had missed.

  She smiled with satisfaction. Payback time. If she played her cards right, he’d be fantasizing about her for weeks, just as she had about that kiss that wasn’t. And then, maybe, she might consider allowing him to come crawling back.

  Maybe.

  If he asked nicely and promised to stop referring to George as ‘it’.

  The buzzer sounded and she pushed on through, dragging her huge shopping bags. The elevator was tiny and temperamental, but it did bring her up to the thirteenth floor quickly enough.

  No doorbell, but a brass plaque with his name on it. Not the names of four juniors, surprise, surprise. She knocked hard on his door and a few seconds later heard a distant “it’s open” echo from within. She frowned. He left his door open?

  Feeling like an intruder, she entered the apartment, kicked the door closed with her heel, and looked around. There was not much to see, just a cluttered hallway.

  “This way,” Robert bellowed from within and she headed for the source of the sound, holding her bags high. “I brought some presents for your quadruplets...” she started with a smile, then stopped at the door, drawing in a shocked breath.

  Robert was there all right, all six feet of him, back in his jeans and t-shirt uniform. Only thing was, the lowest two feet were obscured.

  He was knee-deep in babies.

  Oh, God. She slumped against the doorjamb, hardly believing her eyes.

  There really were children. Four children. She closed her eyes, blinked hard, then recounted. One, two, three, four. Yep. Four kids, eight baby eyes looking her over, no doubt evaluating her for mother material.

  Then she apparently flunked their test. One child started wailing and two more joined the chorus. The last one was quiet, thumb in mouth as he – or she – stared at Linda, not looking much happier than the rest of the pack.

  Linda felt kind of weak. Her plan had backfired and the children were crying louder and louder, and Robert was not having much success calming them down.

  Didn’t she have two bags filled with baby-goodies? Of course, she had intended to return them since there wasn’t supposed to have been one real baby, let alone four, but if the toys could stop this catastrophe before the combined screaming burst her eardrums, it would be fully worth the fortune she’d paid at the toy store.

  “Hey kids!” she shouted over the noise, realizing she had no idea how one talked to babies... or toddlers, or whatever they were at that age. “Look! Presents!”

  She upended the two bags on the floor, releasing a flow of brightly wrapped packages. It had taken ages to wrap it all up at the store.

  It took the four children twenty seconds to unwrap the whole bunch, and that was only because they kept getting in each other’s way. They showed equal interest in the wrappings as in the toys, but at least they weren't crying anymore.

  “Ah... silence,” she said, smiling at Robert who was slumped over by the window, watching the kids explore their new treasures. There wasn’t much room for them to play on the floor, though. Baby paraphernalia was everywhere, and four portable beds took up half the room.

  “Yes. They’re doing a great job of giving me permanent tinnitus, and that’s when they’re in a good mood. I’ve been considering earmuffs,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his neck with a hand. He looked worn-out.

  “Your br
other’s children are here,” Linda said dazed, stepping between the toddlers to join him by the window. “Just my luck. Here I come to call your bluff and you’re surrounded by babies.”

  Judging by the way he was smiling at her, exhausted smile as it was, he did seem desperate for adult companionship, even if he had to know by now that she was here with the primary agenda of biting his head off. At least he had the grace to look a bit sheepish. “You found out, huh? Sorry. What you said about not wanting children was so surreal. I thought you were joking. It seemed like the perfect comeback to turn myself into your worst nightmare.”

  “Gee, and I thought you’d just figured out an original way to rid yourself of my unwanted advances.” She was only half-joking. That scenario had been insistently buzzing around the back of her mind.

  “Your unwanted advances?” Robert stared at her for a while, his hand paused midway through another demolishing trip through his hair. Then a grin spread across his face and ended with him shaking with silent laughter.

  Linda grinned back at him, feeling somewhat relieved. “Hey, it was just a thought.”

  He reached out towards her hair and wrapped one of her loose tendrils around his finger. That wistful look in his eyes soothed her ego like nothing else could. “If you’d like to make any advances, they’d definitely be wanted.”

  She secretly hugged to her the warmth of his last words. Definitely wanted, huh? Not bad. In fact, pretty darned good. If he said more sweet things like that, she might even consider forgiving him for that nasty practical joke.

  He was smiling. “It’s all your own fault, you know. You bring out all sorts of wickedness in me.”

  “Do I really?”

  “Yeah. I feel like one of those little boys who just can’t resist pulling on a little girl’s pigtails.” His gaze slid to her hair at the same time his hand skittered along the side of her neck to wrap it around his fingers. “Or ponytail.” His hand at her nape urged her closer and his voice dropped into the twilight octave as he briefly touched his nose to hers. “Would you run away again if I tried to kiss you?”

  “I might,” she murmured. “But I wouldn’t get far. I’d trip over one of your nieces or nephews.”

  Robert jumped. “My God! The children!” He took a glance around the room and only relaxed slightly at the sight of four babies in no immediate danger. “I can’t believe I forgot about them, even for just a minute. You wouldn’t believe the things they can get up to if I take my eyes off them for half a second.”

  Linda wisely stepped away before her nerve endings burnt themselves out from his proximity. “Why are all the children here? You can’t have been carrying the joke this far.”

  “The joke is on me,” Robert groaned. “It’s almost as if you collaborated with my sister-in-law to teach me a lesson.” There was a scream from the floor and he stooped down and picked up one of the babies. “No, Brenda. David’s ear is not a pull-the-string toy.” He turned his attention back to Linda. ”When I got home from the reception, Holly was waiting for me outside and before I knew what had happened she had unloaded a whole truckload of baby stuff, kissed them goodbye and run out the door.” He shrugged. “It looks like I am a surrogate father for a while. And if things don’t turn around, I might be doing a lot of that in the future.”

  “Surrogate father? A lot in the future?” she parroted.

  Robert hugged the squirming child to him and sighed. “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later, when little ears aren’t listening. It doesn’t pay to remind them m-o-m and d-a-d aren’t here.”

  Linda nodded. Brenda, identifiable as a girl only by the lopsided pink bow in her thin blonde hair, laid her head against her uncle’s shoulder and yawned. Robert strode towards the sofa and sat down. He pointed to the kids. “Let me introduce them. Alexander is the one with the truck, you’ve met sleepy Brenda, Christine is the one playing with the wrapping paper, and the one with the red ear, staring at us with thumb in mouth is David.”

  Linda laughed. “A, B, C and D for short? Cute.” She sat down beside him. “You look exhausted, Bob. In fact you look so exhausted I may have to postpone my revenge and actually be nice to you.”

  He gave her a small smile and rubbed his stubble. “I haven't slept or showered since Saturday. This is no picnic.”

  “You can’t rest when they’re asleep?”

  “There are four of them, Linda. The phrase ‘the kids are asleep’ can refer to two of them, even three of them, but it never, ever refers to all four. They never sleep at the same time, but they always need a fresh diaper, food or a cuddle all at the same time.”

  “You're been alone with the four of them since Saturday?”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Except for two hours this morning when I had to finish up things at work and delegate for this week. I bribed a couple of my students to stay with them. And they drive a hard bargain. They refused to take money, but I owe them five hours each of individual tutoring instead.”

  “Hm. Five hours each of individual tutoring?” She put on a thoughtful expression. “This is just a wild guess, but are those students female, by any chance?”

  He looked chagrined. “Well, yes.”

  “That explains their lack of mercenary instincts.”

  “I know what you’re thinking, Linda, and it’s not like that.”

  She smirked. “I know what they’re thinking, and it’s definitely like that.”

  “You’re probably right,” he muttered. “But it’s not like I had a choice. And I did turn down all their offers to help me out more, and believe me, that was a sacrifice, and not because of their irresistible charms.”

  “How long will the kids be staying?”

  Robert shrugged. “At least until Wednesday evening, perhaps longer. It was an emergency of sorts.”

  Linda stared at him, then made a swift decision. She’d help him out. She jerked a thumb in the direction of the bathroom. “Go shower. Shave. Get away for a few minutes. I'll baby-sit.”

  He didn't move. “Do you know anything about babysitting a platoon of toddlers whose idea of a good time is trying to climb out the window on the thirteenth floor?”

  “I've heard the old saying: Feed one end, keep the other one clean, never take your eyes off them. In this case, multiply by four.”

  “Elementary, but true,” he acknowledged. “Have you ever so much as changed a diaper?” The expression on her face must have been answer enough, for he chuckled. “I thought not. Neither had I, forty-eight hours ago.”

  He rubbed a hand over his eyes and her heart went out to him. Carefully she inched the child out of his arms and onto her own lap. “Go take a shower, Bob. We'll be fine for half an hour or so.” She grinned at him. “I’ll just use the same methods you taught me to use on Aphelion and Perihelion. Gentle, yet firm and most important, whatever happens, never ever turn my back on them.”

  He hesitated a minute, then pushed himself to his feet. “Okay. Thank you.” He started in the direction of the bathroom, then paused. “I'll leave the door unlocked. If there is a problem and I don't hear when you knock on the door, just open the door and yell.”

  Just walk in on him in the shower. What a scintillating offer. She’d have to remember that later on. In the meantime, maybe she could bribe one of the children into causing trouble. Chocolate worked fine on the chimps, might work on toddlers as well. She pushed the wayward thoughts away and nodded. “We’ll be fine.”

  Ten seconds later she was alone with four little terrors and panic threatened to set in. The one in her arms was heavy in sleep, and she stood up and put her down in one of the portable beds. One down already. Not bad for her first minute on the job. Only three left to worry about, then.

  One of them was already paying her attention, thumb still in mouth. Then he crawled rapidly towards her and grabbed onto her legs while he pulled himself to his feet.

  “Hello, little one,” she murmured. “You’re D, aren’t you? Why aren’t you walking like your brother and sisters?
” David did not object as she, with only a few false starts, managed to pick him up. She balanced him on her hip like women seemed to do so frequently, and felt quite proud of her accomplishment when he didn’t fall off or scream.

  It was pretty neat, she acknowledged, a built-in baby seat where the child fit perfectly. Maybe Mother Nature wasn’t so dense after all.

  The small round face was serious as a tiny hand explored her face. Linda heard a sharp alarm from her biological clock and welcomed it. This was the perfect chance to get that baby issue sorted out once and for all and make the final decision to have that operation. She knew she wanted to – but something had been holding her back. If four toddlers couldn’t convince her dormant eggs to stay dormant forever, she didn’t know what would.

  The fifteen minutes Robert spent showering felt like an eternity, but miraculously everything went fine. Alexander and Christine occupied themselves with the new toys, Brenda slept and David was content to sit in her arms and play with her watch, babbling and looking as if he would fall asleep any minute.

  However, as soon as Robert emerged, still toweling his hair, and looking somewhat more alive, both Alexander and Christine ran towards him, crocodile tears erupting from their eyes as they glowered back at Linda.

  Robert chuckled at the outraged look on Linda’s face as he picked up both children. “Don’t worry, it’s not personal. Holly warned me about this. It also happened when I left them with the students. It seems that whenever she leaves them with someone, they act like they’ve been tortured all day when she comes back for them. Smart little monsters, huh?”

  Little David had finally succumbed to sleep and Linda put him down. “David and I made friends,” she whispered as she pulled the blanket over the child.

  Robert bent down to kiss his nephew on the forehead. “Good. That one needs all the friends he can get. It’s not easy being the smallest one.”

  “Why isn’t he walking yet, like the other ones?”