Nothing but Trouble Page 6

  “He’s had some problems ever since he was born. A woman’s uterus isn’t really designed for four tenants, and the others hogged the blood supply. He’s also the only one who isn’t speaking at all yet.”

  Linda stroked David’s hair. “You’ll catch up, little guy. I know you will.”

  Two hours later, Christine was down for the count as well. Linda sat in the sofa, her head on Robert’s shoulder as they watched Alexander fight to sit upright and stay awake. His eyelids kept fluttering down. Finally, he slid to his side, head against the bars of the bed, and fell asleep still sitting up.

  Linda raised her hand for a silent high-five with Robert. Victory at last.

  “Just watching them makes me sleepy,” she whispered and reluctantly sat up. His shoulder was quite a comfy pillow. She stored that information away for later use.

  “I really do appreciate your help tonight, Linda. I can’t believe we actually got them all to sleep.”

  “No problem,” she said on a yawn. “I won’t even demand your body in return like those students probably will.”

  “No? How about if I make you change a diaper?”

  She considered it. “In that case I’m afraid I would have to demand your body.”

  He didn’t chuckle like he was supposed to do, just held her in that intense gaze, so for their peace of mind Linda looked away and changed the subject.

  “You don’t really have the room for them to stay here, you know.”

  “You’re right.”

  “Yeah,” Linda muttered, looking around. “There isn't room to swing four cats in here, let alone four babies.” The small living room wasn’t the only place filled with the children’s things. The door was open into the kitchen and she saw counters and a table lined with more baby accessories. Even half the sofa was occupied with four car seats, but she didn’t really mind since it gave her the perfect opportunity to sit practically on Robert’s lap.

  She hadn’t quite forgiven him yet, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy all those yummy sensations he caused inside her.

  She hadn’t really noticed how the apartment looked until now, the quadruplets had taken up all the attention. The furniture was simple, bookcases lined the walls and the computer screen was bigger than the tiny television that collected dust in a corner. The incongruity of the row of plants in the window struck her. “Don’t tell me you’ve got a green thumb, Bob?”

  He poked her with his elbow. “What are you implying? Here I’m running a whole preschool in my tiny one-bedroom apartment and you still don’t think I’m the nurturing kind?”

  “Perhaps when it comes to stuff in petri dishes,” she muttered. “You don’t nurture George, that’s for sure.”

  “George is just a rodent! He doesn’t need nurturing! And he certainly doesn’t need you to kiss him all the time.”

  “I love that rodent! You just don’t understand him. I bet he wouldn’t keep biting you if you bonded with him once in a while.”

  “There are things you don’t know about George,” Robert warned her.

  “Really? A mouse with a mysterious past? How intriguing. Tell me more.”

  “Never mind,” he muttered.

  Linda yawned again and fought the temptation to drop down on his shoulder for a nap. He had a really soothing voice. She’d almost fallen asleep while he’d read the children a bedtime story. “So, what’s the story? Why are you a surrogate father all of a sudden?”

  “Well, it looks like my brother, Eric, left his family. Thursday he didn’t come home from work, just gave his wife a call saying he couldn’t take it anymore, that he had to get away from everything for a while. She managed to find out where he is staying, and she wanted to go after him and talk things over. She was pretty upset.”

  “She was ‘upset’?” Linda repeated. “What an understanding woman. I wouldn’t be ‘upset’ in her shoes. I would be going after him with a nutcracker.”

  Robert winced. “Ouch. You’re right, she was amazingly calm, considering the circumstances. Anyway, she’s called twice, and is still trying to track him down. Last I heard she said she hoped to be back Wednesday, and if she hasn’t found him by Friday she’d just have to come home without him.”

  “He just left? He left his wife and four children, with no explanation, no warning? What was he thinking?”

  Robert shrugged. “My brother has never been the most responsible person in the world. He is always his own first priority. I thought he had changed after he met Holly and the children came along...”

  Linda glanced at the four cribs. “But then again, I suppose having quadruplets can drive anyone crazy.”

  “Of course it’s difficult, but that’s no excuse to do what he did. It’s irresponsible and cruel.”

  “I don’t think it was all that responsible of your sister-in-law either to drop four children on you out of the blue. Someone who’s never even changed a diaper before.”

  “I’ve been around the kids a lot. They know me. It’s better than having her drop them off with some complete strangers, even if they have a Masters in diaper-changing.”

  Linda didn’t think many men in his position would share that view. “There is no-one who could help? Your parents, perhaps?”

  “Our mother died when we were kids. And our father was already at a grandpa age when we were born. He just moved into a retirement home last week – the one Ellen's grandmother lives in, actually. . Besides, he is not the type who ever in his life touched a single diaper.” He shrugged. “And those of my friends who have experience with children are quite busy enough with their own. I don’t want to bother them with this.”

  “I see. So, at least two more days cooped up in here alone with four children?”

  Robert groaned. “Don’t remind me. I’m trying to survive one minute at a time.”

  An idea was forming in Linda’s head. As usual, her mouth blurted out the thought before she had digested it thoroughly. “Why don't you move in with me?”

  There was that microscope look again. It wasn't really surprising, considering what she'd just asked him.

  “I mean, just while you have the children. You can't stay in here with all those babies. They’ll grow up claustrophobic. I'm living alone in Chris's house, practically empty apart from a few piles of boxes. There's plenty of room for all of you and all their stuff. They could use one room as a bedroom and another as a playroom. And there is a closed-off garden for them to play in. It’s perfect.”

  “Why would you want us to stay there?”

  She had the answer to that. In fact, this was beginning to make brilliant sense. “I told you. Logically, I don't want children. Ever. It's probably smart for me just to go ahead and...” she made a snipping gesture. “You know. Put my eggs in solitary confinement for life. But my biological clock has been beeping me a lot recently. A battle between my ovaries and my head, so to speak.” His mouth quirked and she hurried on. “It’s logical. A few days spent with the Quad should help me be sure whether or not I'll ever want to be a mother. It's perfect for both of us. You get help with the kids. I get a final test of my lack of mothering suitability.”

  He was staring in the region of her ovaries. “You’d really go through with that? End your chances of ever having children?”

  The doubt and dismay in his voice rang alarm bells in her head, but she silenced them for the time being. She had already told him how she felt; it was his problem how he dealt with it. “Maybe. Probably. Hopefully, for the sake of Babykind. Doesn’t this sound great to you? Free help with the kids? I don’t have a flight for the next few days so I’m free.” He began to shake his head to reject her offer and she rushed to sweeten the stakes. “In return, maybe you could help me out with painting the place when the kids are back with their parents. The house is a mess. It needs paint and new wallpaper and all sorts of things.”

  “And you were going to do all that by yourself?”

  “Yep. I bought a couple of DIY books, a first-aid kit and
overalls already. It can’t be that difficult, but of course it would be better if there were two of us.”

  He was hesitating. She almost had him wriggling on the hook. “I’d really appreciate it,” she added, trying the helpless female look. Men did tend go for it, liberated or not. And she did tend to use it, feminist or not.

  It worked.

  Chapter 5

  Twelve hours later it was moving time, and just to make things interesting, rain was pouring down from clouds so dark they were almost black.

  “This isn’t going to work,” Linda puffed, shivering inside her thin summer jacket as she fastened the fourth car seat and reclaimed her hair from David’s sticky grasp.

  She stepped back and looked between the two compact cars, finally understanding the practicality of station wagons. Two children in each car. Four portable beds, endless supply of diapers, toys, clothes and miscellaneous other stuff. So far, so good. But...

  Hopeful, she looked behind her. Nope. They hadn’t magically vanished. There were still two very wet double strollers to fit somewhere and Robert was emerging from the building carrying two huge boxes of something.

  She was beginning to develop a definite sympathy for Eric and his vanishing act, if only because of the logistics issue.

  She stared at the strollers, bit her lip and tapped her already soaked sneaker in a puddle as she considered their options. Robert dumped the boxes in the only remaining space, the passenger seat. “That’s the last of the baby stuff. My place is empty now, but I think we have everything.”

  “Good. But there is no way we’re going to fit those strollers anywhere. What do you say we tie them to the cars and just drag them over? Think they’ve ever seen the highway first wheel?”

  Robert grinned. “Or, we could do this,” he said and proceeded to change one bulky stroller into one thin piece of plastic and cloth that fit perfectly under the children’s feet.

  Linda blinked. “Wow. Magic.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “Magic.”

  Only two hours later Linda was already getting dizzy, sitting on the floor next to Robert, watching the Quad zip around the large room they had designated as playroom and childproofed in every possible way. Opening a window now required an advanced engineering degree. Copernicus had made a brief appearance to look over the new guests, but after Alexander grabbed him by the front paws and dragged him from under the radiator to be a pony, the kitten had been smart enough not to show his whiskers again.

  Linda looked at the clock and groaned. “It’s only ten in the morning! Do you suppose babies make time move slower? Hey, you’re the scientist. Could that be a second theory of relativity?”

  Robert only grinned. “I’m doing just fine now that you’re helping out. I can go answer the phone or the doorbell without herding the four of them along with me.” He stretched his arms high, then folded them behind his head, linked his ankles together and got comfortable flat out on the floor. “Life is good. I will be eternally grateful to your ovaries.”

  “The kids didn’t seem to run around quite as much as your place. Do you think they might be hyperactive or something?”

  He chuckled. “You’re not used to children, are you?”

  “I’ve seen children before,” she defended herself. “I was a stepmom for a whole year once, I’ll have you know.”

  That got his attention. Unfortunately. He even sat up and wrapped his arms around one knee, his whole body in an “I’m listening” pose. “You were married?”

  “No. Never got that far. Just co-habiting. You know, became the general cook and clean slave.” What on earth had made her bring up this subject? She looked away. “Anyway, that’s ancient history.”

  “It didn’t work out?”

  “Obviously not.”

  “Because you didn’t want kids?”

  “Nope.”

  He didn’t say anything, just kept looking at her and eventually she caved in.

  “Because the dad didn’t want me, okay.” She scowled. “He didn’t think I was good enough mother material for the kid, and for once, that idiot was actually right. Satisfied? Can we now change the subject, please?”

  “I’m sorry.” What passed for silence in their new household reigned for a few minutes. “And what about the child?”

  “Do we have to discuss this?”

  His shoulders moved in a small shrug. “I’m sorry. Not if you don’t want to. It’s just that you’re so good with the Quad.” He rested his head sideways on his knees and smiled at her. “Some beginner’s nerves, but still, you’re doing great with them.”

  “Really?” She looked between him and the children, not sure if he was being sarcastic. “What do you mean, I’m doing great? I haven’t really done anything.”

  “You play with them and talk to them. It’s obvious that you like them, even if you find them a bit scary. I can’t quite see you in an Evil Stepmother role.”

  “I wasn’t an evil stepmother. It just didn’t work out.”

  “What was the kid’s name? How old was he?”

  Did he absolutely have to ask that question? “His name is Barry. He was four then, so he should be almost seven by now. So, at least I didn’t have to change diapers.”

  “Did he like you?”

  She cupped her chin in her hand and watched Alexander work on his engineering degree by the window. “Yeah, he liked me well enough, that wasn’t the problem. Anyway, when it came to a crisis situation, Linda failed the Mom test as well as the Prospective Wife test and got dumped before she was smart enough to flee off her own accord. End of a not very interesting story.”

  “Their loss.”

  She saw by the look on his face that he was still pondering the issue and searched around for a conversation topic that would take his mind of this one. Of course, there were four active conversational topics right under her nose, energetically testing out all the child-proofing gear and ignoring the mountain of toys they’d carted across town. “Anyway, the few toddlers I’ve been around didn’t move around quite so much. They don’t stop for a second, do they?”

  “They haven’t had the space to run around for days. They’re just enjoying their freedom.”

  “They have more energy than I have after a king-size chocolate bar washed down with a whole thermos of my strongest coffee, and that’s saying a lot.”

  “Are your experiences with Barry the reason you don’t want children?”

  She groaned. “Just when I thought I’d successfully changed the topic. You’re persistent, aren’t you?”

  “I’m just concerned for you. Being sterilized is a big decision. I’m wondering if you’re doing this for the right reasons.”

  “I’m almost sure I won’t ever want children. Being absolutely certain should be good enough. The five of you are here now so that I can open myself up to the baby-experience and make sure this is really what I want.”

  “It’s never the same to baby-sit someone else’s children, Linda. They’re not your own. Why do you think you won’t ever want any?”

  She sighed. “Tell you what, Mr. know-it-all, give me a list of right reasons to be sterilized and I’ll tick off the correct ones.”

  He picked at the knee of his jeans, where a tiny rip was forming. “To be honest, I can’t think of any. Not for you. You’re only, what, twenty-five? You might change your mind sometime in the next twenty years, and if you do, it will be too late to have a child of your own. And it’s not like there aren’t other forms of contraception.” He glanced at her with a concerned frown. “Or is that the problem? You can’t use normal contraceptives? Allergies or something?”

  That was it. She jumped to her feet and leaned against the wall, crossing her arms in defense. No more sitting cozily together on the floor discussing birth control and philosophy of life and Times I’ve Been Dumped. “I am not discussing my methods of contraception with you,” she said in her best ‘that’s final’ voice. It was time to turn the tables on him. “Why don’t we talk about
your private life for a while now?”

  “My contraceptives? Sure. What do you want to know? I’m not allergic to anything.”

  She grabbed a rubber duck to throw at his grinning face, but Fate intervened in the form of little David who never seemed to stray far from her side. He grabbed her legs and pulled himself to his feet, stretching a pudgy hand out for the duck. Linda’s heart melted at his sunny smile and she picked him up for a quick kiss in return for the duck.

  She really was getting the hang of the hip-thing. Now, if she could only figure out how to release each of his fingers from her hair without tangling the other nine in deeper at the same time.

  “Good boy,” she muttered to the child. “I’m sure you would never try to embarrass a lady like your uncle so delights in doing. No, you’ll grow up a true gentleman, won’t you? You’ll open doors and bring chocolates and flowers, and never, ever, ask about contraceptives unless you’ve reached a situation where they are imperative to the future happiness of your relationship with the lucky lady.”

  “Sorry,” Robert murmured, but didn’t look a bit repentant. There was a whole ten-second reprieve before he started again. “But what if you fall for some guy who can’t imagine life without children?”

  “That’s why I’ve decided to be upfront about it. Don’t you see? As long as I tell men as soon as they show the slightest interest, I’m safe.” David started squirming and she lowered him back down. He crawled back to his siblings, triumphantly holding his duck by the beak. “From then on it’s their problem, they know how I feel on the subject and can make up their minds if they want to continue seeing me.”

  “I don’t think that will get you off the hook. It will just make you look...”

  “Crazy?” she supplied as he seemed to be wavering between honesty and politeness, and received a crooked grin in reply.

  “Yeah, and a bit scary. Babies aren’t exactly at the top of men’s priorities when they’re first interested in a woman. They’ll either run aw ay in panic, or assume you must be kidding. I know I thought you were joking.” He was frowning as he stared over the room at the kids. “How do your dates usually react?”